For a long time, I felt stuck. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I mean I knew what I wanted to do but I didn't let myself become passionately in love with it. I still don't know the specifics of what I want to do but I do know that I am a creator. I blocked myself from that for a very long while. I felt as though I wasn't contributing shit to society (& if you know me you know a part of my heart lies in helping people). I get a fulfillment in helping people in anyway I can. I also get a fulfillment from creating, whether that be a website or a piece of garment. Knowing that I made something from nothing makes me happier than anything. I don't know why I kept myself from dedicating my time to creation.. I think I felt a certain stigma against artists (like how "easy" it is). Art is not easy. To be honest, there is a certain science to art and like I said before, it's not easy putting yourself out there for everyone to see. As I stated in my previous post, this year I'm aiming for authenticity. I don't want to deny myself anything that makes me happy... this is a part of myself that not too many people know.
EDIT
This post was written in the beginning of the month. I kept it in my drafts folder because I didn't have the courage to post it. Throughout the month I felt myself feeling zombie like. I felt empty on the inside and in my heart of hearts, I wasn't happy. It seemed like I was living my life for someone else. I think somewhere along this road I lost sight of my goal of "authenticity." I found myself being molded into someone that I never wanted to be and there was something inside me that was fighting against it. I came back to write a post about feeling lost when I found this reminder....... well look at past me helping present me lol the irony......
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