This Is Who I Am

For a long time, I felt stuck. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I mean I knew what I wanted to do but I didn't let myself become passionately in love with it. I still don't know the specifics of what I want to do but I do know that I am a creator. I blocked myself from that for a very long while. I felt as though I wasn't contributing shit to society (& if you know me you know a part of my heart lies in helping people). I get a fulfillment in helping people in anyway I can. I also get a fulfillment from creating, whether that be a website or a piece of garment. Knowing that I made something from nothing makes me happier than anything. I don't know why I kept myself from dedicating my time to creation.. I think I felt a certain stigma against artists (like how "easy" it is). Art is not easy. To be honest, there is a certain science to art and like I said before, it's not easy putting yourself out there for everyone to see. As I stated in my previous post, this year I'm aiming for authenticity. I don't want to deny myself anything that makes me happy... this is a part of myself that not too many people know.

EDIT

This post was written in the beginning of the month. I kept it in my drafts folder because I didn't have the courage to post it. Throughout the month I felt myself feeling zombie like. I felt empty on the inside and in my heart of hearts, I wasn't happy. It seemed like I was living my life for someone else. I think somewhere along this road I lost sight of my goal of "authenticity." I found myself being molded into someone that I never wanted to be and there was something inside me that was fighting against it. I came back to write a post about feeling lost when I found this reminder....... well look at past me helping present me lol the irony......

Welcome 2 The Jungle

Let me just say.... I'm not new to this. I've been blogging on and off since 2012 and each time I deleted my blog because I felt like it was "stupid" or not good enough. I was striving for perfection when I should have been trying to go for authenticity. I wanted my blog to look like all the other blogs and when it didn't I would just delete them and start over. Also, I was fearful because I thought I would get judged at for starting a blog (really dumb, I know). But when you think about it, it's not really dumb. Putting yourself out there for everyone to see is not easy! Or at least for me it's not easy. I'm not one to really put myself out there and when there is a possibility that someone will be able to see my thoughts, I jump ship and press delete.

I think everyone should learn to start living for themselves and not worry about what everyone else has to say. It really is such a simple concept, & yet the hardest thing to do. So with this blog, I will aim to stay true to myself... I will learn to be a little more fearless and a little less fearful. 

peace & blessings.